Tupac told us “That’s just the way it is, Things will never be the same...” (from the greatest rapper on Changes.) This song was clearly deeper than my caucasian thoughts, sipping coffee and typing on a Mac this Sunday morning. The sentiment from his refrain remains, things change. Good or bad, life changes are a constant.
I am 51 years old and can reflect on life and the ups and downs. Just this morning, I slept in late and warmed my cup of coffee, opened Facebook to a post from a friend, he mentioned life changing on him over the past few years…instantly I knew, and his status confirmed, single. Another loss of a marriage.
Yesterday we took Gabi to her acting class and found ourselves with 3 hours of “us” time. We hit the fabric store for Rachel and several thrift shops. I secured a few vinyls (John Cougar – American Fool, Green Day Greatest Hits and Milli Vanilli’s U.S. debut – different than my UK debut). I joked with Rachel how here we are on a Saturday morning, fabric shopping and thrifting. 25 years ago I laughed at those people and swearing I would be just getting up to get ready to party again….Changes, because partying now consist of a single glass of bourbon, movie night and crashed by 10:30.
Having kids really changes you, having daughters totally rewires a man. I remember looking at my daughters, being the first to hold them, take them on date nights and truly just love the heck on them. I instantly became a feminist and long gone was the former me, the single man raised by a single man with limited views and IQ regarding women.
So what have been my biggest changes? Most of the time we associate change with loss. I have lost a first marriage, lost jobs, lost friendships. The story could stop there, but in change as “what have I gained?” I find myself equally yoked to my wife, Rachel, with clarity on our needs. I started my own business (with ups and downs) and form fewer but stronger friendships.
In all the changes, I found loss, but also gain.
Let your hair grow long or shave it bald. Explore new genres of music and listen to something non-digital. Keep up with friends old and new, but try picking up the phone and calling them. Call your aunts, uncles, cousins and reminisce, the greatest stories begin with “Do you remember when….”
Live your day!
Alex Putman 